Kamenge Wedding

This afternoon we went to a wedding at the church in Kamenge where the clinic is. It was an amazing and in many ways complicated experience. Kamenge is a district outside of Bujumbura which is not quite rural but not quite urban either. What it reminded me most of was pictures I've seen of refugee camps that have been around long enough to have semi permanent structures. I couldn't tell if we were passing through an area where people actually lived. What I saw were rows and rows of shacks cobbled together from salvaged wood and metal with stands selling used bicycle parts and used shoes and some food. I had learned before coming that the life expectancy in Burundi is about 54 and that most people have large families and looking around Kamenge those statistics became tangible in the crowds and crowds of young people and children with nothing to do but walk up and down the road.

The church in Kamenge (some other time I'll get in to the difference between Quakerism in Africa which is evangelical and programmed and therefore has a pastor and a church and Quakerism in America, or at least in Evanston which is unprogrammed, without a pastor and happens in a meeting house, anyway) is very large, we're told about a thousand people attend. When we got out of the car I'd easily believe there were 500 people there. As we passed a group of children John said hello and they all reached out to shake our hands and though I said Amahoro to them they all seemed very excited to say Hi! & Hello! which is most likely the only English they know. We could hear them whispering Mzungu, Mzungu behind us. Mzungu essentially means "white person" though we've been told it can also be understood as "foreigner" or "rich person". Pastor Elie told us this afternoon that he is sometimes called "mzungu" when he goes up country because he has a car. Very odd to be treated as a celebrity, simply for the color of my skin.

Once we got into the church we were ushered to seats toward the front. We watched the bride and groom process in together very slowly preceeded by 4 boys and four girls doing a synchronized dance in front of them- like back up dancers, but in front. The whole ceremony was in Kirundi of which I could occasionally pick out the words 'good' 'peace' and 'much' but wedding ceremonies seem to be much the same the world over. While the bride and groom were giving their vows after each section the rest of the people gathered would laugh and call out encouragement and clap.

Afterwards it was time for the massive driving procession to the Tree of Love and then to the lake. Tons of people (though not everyone who was at the wedding) pile into vans and cars and taxis and follow the bride & groom to this huge beautiful tree. We expected they'd have their pictures taken in front of the tree but instead they stood in front of a flowered hedge in front of a car dealership with large advertisements for Land Rover and Nissan. A couple from a different wedding was about 20 feet away having their pictures taken in front of the same hedge. Then it was back into the cars and on to Lake Tanganyika for more pictures of the couple writing "I love you" in the sand by the waters edge. Again about 20 feet away was another (different) wedding party doing the same thing. Then off to the reception, hazards flashing and horns honking.

At the reception site, (where again there was yet another, different wedding party reception the next space over) the groom's family and friends sat in rows of chairs on one side facing the bride's family and friends on the other with four chairs up on a dias at the center to one side for the bride, groom, best man and matron of honor. We sat ourselves toward the middle of the bride's side (we'd been invited by Dr. Alexia who was the matron of honor) but had only been sitting for a few seconds when an usher called to us "Venez ici" and gestured for us to come up and take seats of honor in the front row. John and Andrew are veterans of several Burundi weddings and said that it's considered a coup for the wedding to have mzungu present so we are placed in a prominent position for everyone to see. Not necessarily a comfortable place to be in, honor without having earned it. It's such a complicated situation and we talked about it among ourselves after we'd left. I mean in some ways it simply makes explicit the actual state of things in the world, that people are either revered/feared or reviled/feared based on the color of their skin. It just seems especially sad to have the status quo enforced by those who do not benefit from it against the desires of those who do. And if we had refused to come forward and had insisted on sitting in the back where we'd placed ourselves, that would have been perceived as an insult, as if we did not think this couple's wedding deserved the honor of our presence. We can't even avoid the situation by not going to the wedding at all because that too would have repercussions. I can only hope someday to speak the language and know the families well enough to have an open conversation about it.

After the bride and groom processed in and sat down young women came out with crates of bottled Citron Fanta and Coca Cola which they handed out to everyone. The bride and groom toasted each other with Citron Fanta in wine glasses. Fanta, really popular in Burundi and is the beverage most often offered to guests. That's right Jason, an entire country when people are practically forced to drink soda. It replaces wine at any dry wedding. This is the extent of reception refreshment at many weddings, the cost of providing food for the 200 or so people who come would otherwise make it nearly impossible for anyone to actually get married.

Then the speeches began. If you thought there were a lot of speeches at Erik & Kathy's wedding, let me tell you the Burundians love to make speeches. All in Kirundi so we just did our best to clap when other people clapped. At a break point Charles, Alexia's husband let us know that our car would take us home while the bride and groom went to change their clothes before they came back for the next round of speeches. So here I am back at home, pondering the events of the day and what it all means and how to be part of the solution.